Whenever you move one question that is always asked is where will we live.

Leaving Fallon for San Diego so I can get the level of health care I need.

Applied for housing. Even though EFM move can’t get into housing earlier on a wait list 6-8 months. So I started looking for a place.

I never thought having Koda would be an issue. But after calling apartment after apartments I heard several times Siberian Husky are on restricted breeds.

I had one apartment tell me I could get rid of our dog. Umm no I’ll just find an apartment that is friendlier with their dog policies.

I found some breed restrictions to be hilarious. Our English Bulldog was on one.

English Bulldogs are apartment dogs. I looked down at my loveable bulldog and told her she was on a restricted list. She sighed.

My pups are part of my life. And I won’t pick a home over them. Sorry, not sorry.

I thought I found the perfect place. But sadly they strung us along for over a week before no apartment. Being strung along set us back and set our hopes down.

Homeless was a word swirling around our heads. I heard my husband talking to our bulldog “well Lulu we might have to live out of the truck for a while”.

Oh wait I didn’t tell you. We didn’t call soon enough so we don’t have a hotel for over the 4th of July weekend.

The hunt for a place to move in this weekend is intense. This hunt has been happening since we got official orders. I didn’t want to look beforehand in case orders changed.

I do have an ideal spot to live. Call it like a circle but I want to live near this area to be close to base. I didn’t want to live south closer to Mexico due to traffic. I’ve been to San Diego before and the traffic can be bad. And I didn’t want my husband to be sitting in traffic to get to work or home. Looking like a 15 minute or less drive.

Of course I’d love to live in one area but I didn’t marry an actor or some CEO. I’d like to live in Little Italy or near Balboa but $$$ and we don’t have  $$$ maybe $.

If we didn’t have pets we wouldn’t have this issues. Hey why do you have to hate on my babies so much. They deserve a bone for this. Yup going to get them a bone or pig ear. Wait pig ear would make them happy.

They have no clue the struggle. Every apartment I called. That I’d end up just asking if huskies were on their ban list. Then hang up if they said yes. I stopped being nice about it after my 5th apartment. Because it would end up just get rid of the dog.

Nope. Never.

Apartment hunting sucks.

Yes we have orders for San Diego

To the Stanford Survivor I stand with you.

When I first heard what happened at Stanford, mainly hearing from friends speaking out against what the father said, it was just 20 minutes.

Just 20 minutes?!?

Whether it was five seconds, three minutes, 20 minutes, an hour ANY amount of time ISN’T RIGHT!!! Sexual assault is sexual assault and it isn’t right. And all I could think was what if it happened to that father’s son, what would he say then?

I am a survivor of sexual assault. I can honestly say those 20 minutes will stick with her. I couldn’t tell you  how long as each person heals differently. But for me I have PTSD from my attack and it’s something I’ve lived with for over 2 years.

I STAND WITH HER.

I don’t care if he was a good student at Standford. He decided to take advantage of someone who was unconscious. People saw him and stopped him. Actually chased him down and held him down until the police came. So obviously he knew it was wrong. At no where do I care where you went to school or how high your grades were you OBVIOUSLY didn’t learn one thing. You don’t sexually assault any one.

I STAND WITH HER

She didn’t ask for this. I don’t care if she went out drinking and drank too much. At no point in time did she ask for it. I’ve gone out in college and drank too much. I’ve had friends walk me home. Sometimes you just want to have fun and you don’t realize you’ve gone to far until you do pass out. Just because she drank too much and passed out doesn’t mean she was in the wrong.

I STAND WITH HER

She deserves the same amount of respect as Brock Turner. He’s been quoted as being a good student. And we don’t know the victim’s name due to privacy. BUT SHE DESERVES THE SAME AMOUNT OF RESPECT AS HE HAS BEEN GIVEN.

 

I STAND WITH HER

I truly hope that his father was hurt by the statement. That his family member and people in his career told him what he said was wrong. I hope there was backlash and I hope he learned his lesson.

I STAND WITH HER

At the end of the day I will stand with her. Because I’ve been there and I know. It’s not the victim’s fault, it never is.

When I think about what happened in Orlando one thing comes to mind. It could have happened to me.

In college one of my very good friends was gay, is gay.

I would go to bars with him, Gregs or Metro. Other gay friendly places in Indianapolis.

I had other gay friends. I had Drag Queens as friends. I had lesbians as friends.

I’m a straight female. But I hung out with my friends at gay night clubs.

So what happened in Orlando could have happened to me.

In college I would go out over the weekend and hang out with friends. We actually had  a thing. Go drink too much at Grey’s then go to eat breakfast at this gay friendly bar that served breakfast. Then I would get escorted home and fall into bed.

Sometimes we’d meet at Ivy’s a gay friendly restaurant and have lunch or dinner.

In college on a weekend I didn’t have my kids you could find me in a gay bar. I had tons of gay acquaintances. And was “adopted” by a gay couple I would call dad.

This could have happened to me.

Because I’ve been around two men kissing and at any point in time someone could have found offense and shot everyone.

When I think of what happened in Orlando I am sad at the loss. But I want to remember that it could have happened to me. I hold it tighter to my chest.

I’m a supporter of the LGBT community.

Please don’t let this happen again.

I’ve had sinus issues over the years. But I finally was able to see an ENT and I’m super glad.

Diagnosed with a deviated septum I opted for septoplasty. To fix my nose of 2 issues. I needed my septum fixed and a turbine reduction.

The weekend before I went to the Lake Tahoe area and hiked. Had so much trouble breathing. I used my inhaler and ended my hike earlier than the group.

I go in for surgery and I’m scared. Just too much for me. Well the nurse was awesome.

She asked me how I felt about lidocaine. Yuppers she injected lidocaine before searching for a vein for the IV 💯

I had a longer wait than thought. My anxiety was climbing. Finally it’s time. They gave me versed before going back to the OR.

I do have to say I love that drug. Looking back I don’t remember much. And I don’t remember the anxiety I had.

I was worried about being triggered. I have a hard time with IVs, shots, blood draws, etc. So I was worried I’d go off.

I was lucky that my husband stayed by me until I was wheeled back. Yay for emotional support. I’m glad he could make me laugh and smile before hand taking my mind off what was going on.

I couldn’t believe how much of a difference it made. Even though I had splints I could breath so much better.

I’m glad blood doesn’t make me grossed out. Cause I had a bloody nose for the next day or so. It weaned off.

If you have sinus problems see an ENT. If you have something wrong with your septum get it fixed. It’s worth it.

I didn’t notice my nose was slightly crooked. But now it’s fine.

June is PTSD awareness month.

I’m going to label people numbers in this story and not use names.

I talked with Person #1 and was told they had to talk to Person #2. I waited and then was told by Person #1 that neither could do anything.

Person #3 wants to talk because “they want to help”. Nothing but hate spewed from them. I didn’t feel safe.

Person #4 comes along. I’m hesitant of Person #4. I remember how Persons 1-3 treated me and the situation.

I came off mean and full of hate to Person #4. Person #3 had hate towards me. Because Person #2 and #3 gave wrong information.

Once you clear the air it’s amazing what can be done.

I stopped treating Person #4 like the others. I admit it was wrong of me to do that. But after I explained to Person #4 they stopped treating me like that and admitted he was wrong.

It’s amazing how much clout that you carry over what someone says.

Now I’m not one to hate someone just cause my friends told me to. No, I figure it out on my own and make my own decision.

Just remember to treat those the way you want to be treated.

Don’t carry clout from someone else. Just be you.

To be honest the only place I’m afraid to pee is at a rest stop. Particular ones that looks like Michael will be swiping my purse from under the stall to steal my car.

Okay maybe second place I’m afraid to pee was on the side of the road. Hey!! Yes I had to stop on a windy road along no where USA and rest stop was 100+ miles away and my mice brain size bladder wasn’t having that. So I stopped, waited for cars to pass, and had at it.

Oh wait that one time…. yup at  rest stop I didn’t see the rattle snakes sign. Heard them. Didn’t register. Went pee. Registered. Ran back to the car…

I’ve been to gay bars and peed. I’ve been to an LGBT bar and peed. I’ve been on a ship and peed guess what with a guy in the next stall. Did I worry? No, well okay on the ship cause standing water what about bacteria mom.

I’ve peed next to woman, next to men, next to girls, next to boys, next to M2F, next to F2M with no problems. Okay maybe my sons when they were little but who hasn’t had someone little kid try to escape from under the door. It’s hard to pee and try to stop the escape.

But I’m not afraid to pee next to anyone as long as there is a door. I mean in a public restroom who cares if either sex mixes. Just use the stal, close the door, and wash your hands.

PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS!!

The new law in North Carolina is making headlines for it’s new law about gender and bathroom. Maybe it’s the several sociology classes concentrating in sexual deviance that has me thinking the bathroom isn’t the place to be afraid.

Target has people banning itself due to it’s gender neutral bathroom. But hey what if I want to take my son it with me… well I can’t with North Carolinas new law. But I also have to say I don’t think anyone has been arrested yet for this bathroom law. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

There are other bigger concerns out there. Sexual assault is a large concern. But concentrating on what could happen versus what is happening. College sexual assault and military sexual assaults are a huge problem.

I’m a survivor not afraid to pee.

So let’s concentrate on the bigger issues and not the bladder issue.

I’ve been trying to do positive thoughts.

Some poison entered my husband’s and mines life. And to strengthen me I decided to do a positive thought of the day.

I have found it’s too easy to allow the negatively to consume me so to help stop it a positive thought about me a day.

Do you do positive thoughts?

Lately I’ve been having very bad panic attacks.

I don’t usually tell anyone when I’ve had a flashback or trigger. I’m so rolled up into the emotional drainage that I don’t want to bring it back up again.

I was going good. I was put on new medicine. I hadn’t had a flashback in a week. I was trying to adjust a mood for various reasons. And bam I was hit by a trigger.

I needed my husband. All I could tell him was his wife emotionally needed him. I couldn’t tell him “hey I was reminded of that time I was assaulted”. That would have been easy.  But it was still rolling through my mind trying to consume me and all I could think was I want my husband’s arms around me.

It honestly took this weekend of me once again emotionally breaking down for my husband to realize that Fallon is poison to me.

He knew I was having a hard time but he didn’t know the exact extent.

I’m so used to bottling it up that I don’t open up as often as I need to. This is something I did since I was a child having a strict mother strict is me being nice.

I know I should talk about what happened to me more. Perhaps it would be good for me and perhaps it would be good for my friends and family to realize what happened.

I’m hoping this new medicine will help with the flashbacks and triggers. And no I do not write them down. I tried in the beginning and found it to not be helpful. I’d just end up in tears.

I’m trying to get better. And hoping to get out of Fallon soon as it has set me back.