I’ve been in a deep depression since moving to Fallon, thank you PTSD.

A lot of my PTSD symptoms returned. But the 2 biggest things were: I didn’t want to get out of bed and I didn’t want to eat.

I began making smoothies and putting things in the smoothies to help with the no eating.
The feeling of not wanting to get out of bed was a combination of things. I would get panic attacks just shopping at the Walmart. And since having PTSD I now shake when I have a panic attack. But in honesty if you saw me you’d think I had Parkinsons.

My mental health person asked if I wanted to try Seroquel XR. Seroquel XR is a medicine used for people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Now I have neither. But one of Seroquel XR’s side effects is an increased appetite. The other is being sleepy. And I am having troubles sleeping.

I’m the girl that I will try anything once.

First night of Seroquel XR is awesome. I slept like the dead. I had also upped some other medicine because my night terrors like to move the bed over by 3″.

Second night, not so lucky. It took longer to go to sleep. So I thought okay next day take rearrange the order I take my medicines.

Third night I decided to just call myself Sleepless in Fallon.

Fourth night I upped the dosage of Seroquel XR. But this lovely air crew had come into town. They thought it was SO TOTALLY AWESOME to do low flybys over our house we don’t live near the airfield so there was no excuse. My husband said we should get an I ❤ jet noise sticker for my car. The jet noise was triggering me and I had begun with what I refer to as shaking but also known as tremors.

The fifth night the same upped dosage. Within a half hour of taking the medicine the shaking began. If I try to fight it, my muscles hurt. But my legs, arms, and head where shaking. I got up to go tell my husband. I had a hard time talking to him. I was basically back to the point where I was when I was first diagnosed with PTSD.

I decided that night I was done with Seroquel XR.

The next day I woke up groggy. Like I was in a fog. I walked really slow, my husband said I shuffled. I took 2 cups of coffee because I was trying to shake the Seroquel XR off. I had decided on the fourth night to detox, and I use IT Works Greens to detox. I upped my water in take because I had an extreme case of cotton mouth. I will say the Seroquel XR increased my appetite. But I also felt that my sugar levels were down.

We went grocery shopping. And I had a hard time connecting the dots in my head. I was struggling to say things to my husband. He would walk normally and I would ask him to wait up. Then I was just like forget it he can find me and went off on my own. At check out I grabbed 2 large Red Bull happens I’m not allergic to Red Bull go wings!.

I downed about half of it and went to the NEX. My husband said I was returning back to normal. Then chuckled that I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep. But it took 16oz of Red Bull to bring me back to my normal self.

With me and my lovely sociology background I started to feel sorry for people with schizophrenia that need to take this medicine. And I now have a complete understanding why a lot of them stop taking the medicine. I wouldn’t like to be under a constant fog and not be myself.

I will say while taking the Seroquel XR my OCD disappeared. I no longer felt the compulsion to do the things I normally do, but I still did them any ways. I’ve lived with OCD practically my whole life and have learned to manage it without medication. And hey my husband likes that I carry hand sanitizer with me lol.

So now it’s on to finding a new medicine. Finding something that can make Elle, me, happy.

It’s not easy living with PTSD. It is something I struggle with every day. But one thing I do have is hope. I am planning on getting an ; tattoo later on.