Welcome

Hello! This is my first blog post.

I decided to create the blog Simply Being Elle due to my struggle with PTSD.

I didn’t always go by Elle. But after what I will refer to as the “event” (the event that caused my PTSD) I felt lost. I felt that pieces of me were missing. I didn’t feel complete. I wondered who I was. I was scared that I lost a part of me. I was broken.

After the “event” I was broken. I was pushed over the edge to where my body could no longer handle it. I struggled with walking. Doctors told me that I had myelin (the thing that insulates your nerves) damage. The damage was done in partial due to the “event”.

I shook. There is no true way to define it. I struggled walking due to the tremors. My husband had to walk behind me to help me. Because I refused a wheelchair. There were certain things I wouldn’t let the “event” take from me. For example I had to sign my signature. And despite the pain I would fight off the tremors so I could sign my name as neatly as I could.

My head would shake as well. One person told me I was a bobble head. I learned very quickly not to let others see you cry. I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. It was very painful for me. But despite the internal pain I had to also deal with the emotional pain of how others saw me.

I want to say it is hard to remember the broken shell I was left in.

But often my PTSD flares up. I still have tremors but they are not as bad. Thank goodness for medicine. The nightmares and flashbacks are something I live with every day.

I survived what happened to me the best way I did. I fought. But in that fight something inside of me changed.

I can’t say whether it’s good or bad. But I walked away as Elle.

I simply want to be Elle, the survivor of PTSD. Not the victim, not the broken shell. But the woman who I am today.

This blog will be about me. I am unsure if I ever will talk about the “event” and right now I will just leave it at that.

If you have PTSD you are not alone.

I thank my friends and family for their support. For understanding that I need to be Elle. For letting me hide the broken part of me because I didn’t want them to see. I was afraid to show how much the “event” changed me. But I’m glad I’m Elle now. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s